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Wed, Jan. 7th, 2004, 09:07 am
brothercatfish: magickal retirement day #5

An iv11 Sol 16° Capricorn, Luna 16° Cancer Dies Mercurii
Wednesday, January 07, 2004 e.v. 9:05 AM

It goeth interestingly...took me a couple of days to figure out what I wanted to do, but better ever since. There are 2 blocks of time per day for working on "chosen power," in my case sigil work and/or invocation, as it's worked out. Yesterday was especially interesting...

Yesterday afternoon I worked up a ritual for invoking Mammon. Basically I'm broke and unemployed and need to draw money to me, quickly, and in the long run in a more dependable fashion than I have in recent memory. So I worked up, shall we say, a LHP ritual using a green candle, a $100 bill (my last one), and I did the thing. And immediately found myself driving up to the state line to buy lottery tickets, something I hadn't planned to do till today, when I had more time. I laughed about 1/2 way up there, realizing what had happened.

Last night I did my first work w/ the personal goetia. As I said before, I began realizing pretty quickly why a magickal retirement is a good thing; it keeps you thinking about magick 24/7. Well, last night I understood one important reason why this personal goetia is so valid an activity. We are in love with our flaws! I decided to bind one of my own personal demons, and it took me ten minutes to pick one to work on! Ten minutes!

I have sigilised and named demons whose functions are things like "avoiding responsibilities," "alcohol," "intertia," etc. And as I deliberated over each one, and thought about the implications of removing those qualities from my life, I was worried! What would it actually mean to be freed of that particular quality?!

Anyway, I choose to bind the demon of "low self-esteem," something which I know has cost me jobs, relationships, etc., my whole life. It has also made me quite a self-depricating, empathetic fellow in certain ways, but intellectually I know I could do better than I've done, in almost every dimension of my life.

So I did a very intense chaos banishing as per Ray Sherwin. I also invoked Ganesh, binder of demons, for help in all this. I have a figurine useful in this regard. And I did it, and charged the sigil and bound it under my control, and burned it.

The immediate response was a huge rush. I felt almost giddy. And my thinking ever since then has been...different. I am pondering it again today. Obviously it has to do with self-respect, taking crap from people when I don't have to, getting what I deserve out of life instead of slumping along as I have for years...

Today I have some mundane activities I can't avoid, so I'm not doing my retirement schedule again until tomorrow. But I am interested to see the results of that binding, and of the earlier invocation of Mammon, in my regular life when I go out into the world again today to hunt for jobs etc.

Sat, Apr. 3rd, 2004 08:04 am (UTC)

Wondering if you are still feeling any positive effect from binding the demon low self esteem. Did you use the alphabet of desire in that work?

Sat, Apr. 3rd, 2004 02:03 pm (UTC)
brothercatfish: binding demons

Yeah, that was the one that I noticed the most immediately. I aced a job interview the next day. I haven't worked with this stuff too much since the week I posted all the above, which is dumb, since...well, we can always use all these things, not just in the context of an experiment, you know?

What is your magickal background/interest?

Sat, Jun. 26th, 2004 07:19 am (UTC)

hey how did you learn all this stuff im really interested.. I want to start summoning spirits but i probably wont for a while until i know enough so what did you do to learn this. what do you recomend for a newbie.:D

Sun, Jun. 27th, 2004 05:32 am (UTC)
brothercatfish: hey

I will give you the links to some sites that I have found really useful, and anyway fun to read too. Here are 3. Just kinda search thru them till you get a feel for what's there. If you like them, let me know later (and remind me what I already sent you) and I'll find you some more: