An iv11 Sol 16° Capricorn, Luna 16° Cancer Dies Mercurii
Wednesday, January 07, 2004 e.v. 9:05 AM
It goeth interestingly...took me a couple of days to figure out what I wanted to do, but better ever since. There are 2 blocks of time per day for working on "chosen power," in my case sigil work and/or invocation, as it's worked out. Yesterday was especially interesting...
Yesterday afternoon I worked up a ritual for invoking Mammon. Basically I'm broke and unemployed and need to draw money to me, quickly, and in the long run in a more dependable fashion than I have in recent memory. So I worked up, shall we say, a LHP ritual using a green candle, a $100 bill (my last one), and I did the thing. And immediately found myself driving up to the state line to buy lottery tickets, something I hadn't planned to do till today, when I had more time. I laughed about 1/2 way up there, realizing what had happened.
Last night I did my first work w/ the personal goetia. As I said before, I began realizing pretty quickly why a magickal retirement is a good thing; it keeps you thinking about magick 24/7. Well, last night I understood one important reason why this personal goetia is so valid an activity. We are in love with our flaws! I decided to bind one of my own personal demons, and it took me ten minutes to pick one to work on! Ten minutes!
I have sigilised and named demons whose functions are things like "avoiding responsibilities," "alcohol," "intertia," etc. And as I deliberated over each one, and thought about the implications of removing those qualities from my life, I was worried! What would it actually mean to be freed of that particular quality?!
Anyway, I choose to bind the demon of "low self-esteem," something which I know has cost me jobs, relationships, etc., my whole life. It has also made me quite a self-depricating, empathetic fellow in certain ways, but intellectually I know I could do better than I've done, in almost every dimension of my life.
So I did a very intense chaos banishing as per Ray Sherwin. I also invoked Ganesh, binder of demons, for help in all this. I have a figurine useful in this regard. And I did it, and charged the sigil and bound it under my control, and burned it.
The immediate response was a huge rush. I felt almost giddy. And my thinking ever since then has been...different. I am pondering it again today. Obviously it has to do with self-respect, taking crap from people when I don't have to, getting what I deserve out of life instead of slumping along as I have for years...
Today I have some mundane activities I can't avoid, so I'm not doing my retirement schedule again until tomorrow. But I am interested to see the results of that binding, and of the earlier invocation of Mammon, in my regular life when I go out into the world again today to hunt for jobs etc.